Reflections on My Miraculous Life

About 18 years ago I took a sabbatical from my position as a partner in a leading Upstate New York consulting engineering firm. I went on a NOLS trip. I decided to spend more time in Vermont where I taught skiing and guided mountain biking on weekends. I was always inspired in the mountains. I went there. I stayed there. Since that time, my world has continually been an exciting exploration of life, one discovery after another.

I met Jo and her two kids, Alex (8) and Natalie (4). Jo and I talked about living sustainably, about simplifying our lives, about living and sharing in a healthy manner. We traveled. We explored. We got married. We raised two wonderful kids. We took care of our homestead. I got involved in the ski business and was a resort leader in a new strengths-based teaching program. I got involved in adventure-based programming and team-building activities. I learned about timber framing and sustainable home design. I even taught math and health courses at a private middle-high school one year where both kids were students. I became more and more accustomed to change as the priorities of our kids became our priorities, and as I lived the Vermont can-do independent and interdependent lifestyle.

When the kids were in high school, we endured some very dark years. The effects of tragedy that had occurred in my wife’s previous life, before I met her, began to show their ugliness. For me, day-to-day life was more about survival and working hard to get through each day, focusing on my survival and the survival of my wife and my step-kids. I learned about post-traumatic stress through direct experience, both as a caregiver and also as an indirect sufferer of its ugly symptoms. Our years of learning, practicing, and teaching yoga became instrumental in our day-to-day practice of coping and just existing.

I became more and more spiritual as I grasped for meaning. I was alone from a human perspective, but as we reached out for spiritual support, I felt more and more connected. Things started to turn around. From this suffering came learning. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was being prepared for my life’s work.

When the economy was hurting and my timber-frame design work was slow, I received a call to help facilitate a new program in New York for veterans with post-traumatic stress (PTSD). The person calling me had no idea of our past experiences other than that I could do team-building activities well. One program (and one person named Joel) led to 3 years of work with veterans with PTSD and other disabilities, and work with amazing civilians, some with disabilities and some without. I met some inspiring veterans. Joel. Mike. Michael. Michael. Ed. Peter. Jeanette. Joan. Will. Brian. Linda. Matt. Jonah. Bill. Leslie. The list goes on. I have met some inspiring disabled athletes and volunteer coaches. John. TC.  Andrew. Ty. Andrew. Carson. Robin. Betsy. Paul. Hannah. We have become friends. We have dreamed about life, connecting with others, being in nature, learning to accept ourselves and practice living on a day-by-day basis. No judging. No attaching ourselves to outcomes. Just being compassionate and well-intended human beings.

One of the veterans Jo and I shared much time with was Eva, who came to some of our events as both a therapist and as a participant. We had some amazing experiences in New York, at our home in Vermont, and then travelling abroad. We talked about our sufferings. We talked about our paths of healing. We shared heart-felt experiences of spiritual connection and miracles and healing. We shared our lives and practiced healthy daily living…local organic food, meditation, yoga, exercise, discussion…

Since the time of our experiences with Eva one year ago, more and more magical experiences have unfolded… and at what seems to be an accelerating pace! We have learned to trust our intuitions. The heartfelt, spiritual, and healing experiences we shared together have become the guiding lights in each of our lives.

The three of us have struggled with the thought of building something together in one location. Eva’s home is on the West Coast. Our home is in the East. We learned to let things unfold. We knew that simple daily practices of healthy living would be at the core of any comprehensive program we initiated to help others heal and live better.

And unfold they have! All in the last year! A new nonprofit organization has been birthed by Eva on the West Coast- Warriors Live On, Inc. A new nonprofit organization has been birthed by Jo and me on the East Coast- Wild Mountain U, Inc.  Eva continues to expand her work in the areas of mindfulness-based therapies in the San Diego area as she works to launch WLO programming. Jo and I have had door after door open for us at Stratton Mountain, Vermont, through our work to provide mindfulness-based yoga programs, outdoor education experiences, and health and wellness education and leadership at Stratton and with WMU. Stratton and WMU will partner for veteran-supporting and other programs. We will enlist the support of our many friends, many of whom have been our guiding lights. WLO and WMU will do some joint programs together or in support of one another. I plan to be intimately involved in the WLO mentoring programming. Jo and I are excited in the meantime as new and exciting opportunities unfold at Stratton Mountain.

And yes, I am a ski school manager again… at Stratton… my 40th season as a ski instructor / clinician or ski school manager / director.

I have also recently started this blog. It has been a way for me to reflect. It has been a way for me to share. It has been a way for me to move on from an identity as an architectural engineer to a health and wellness mentor. It has been a vehicle for me to share what I learn as I experience new things each day in my life and as I look back at how my path has brought me to this place… with new understanding… and with new perspectives. It has helped me realize my role at my age as a mentor.

So, 2012, to me, has been a year of miracles.

In my last decade and a half in Vermont, I have learned much. I have learned to let go of things I can’t control and to accept responsibility for things I can impact. I have learned to keep my eyes open to new discoveries and miracles. I have learned to keep my heart open to all… and accept all people as they are with dignity. Or at least try. I have learned what it feels like to love deeply, to be spiritual, and to trust my intuition. I have learned that even in tragedy, there are opportunities to learn and to see light. I have learned that it is through experiences with others that new insights are possible. I have learned the challenges of parenthood; I have experienced the magic and beauty of parenthood. I have learned that my path in life is sharing what I have learned with others, and learning to live in a manner that is to the benefit of all others. I have learned that we will all thrive in our collective lives and in our individual lives when we support each other, learn from each other, and work from a place of common ground. For me, that place of common ground starts with feelings of love and compassion for all, and a deep sense of belonging and connection.

One Step at a Time

The thing about walking, it happens one step at a time. Life happens one step at a time, one moment after another. Learning happens one lesson at a time, often times one life lesson after another.

The thing about life is that you can have goals and set your path to reach your goals, but things happen, change occurs, and each day your path changes. Each day begins a new path. Did you notice that? It’s one transition after another, yes?

Today, I walked up a mountain on a path. I entered a Summit Challenge race at Stratton Mountain, VT. My destination was clear: the summit. On this day, as is often the case, many other people shared this path with me. Yet each step was unique. With each step, I had to decide whether to step on a loose stone, in a wet patch of grass, or on some solid gravel. I had to avoid ditches and other people. Each step took effort; each step took practice; each step was uncertain. But with step, I made decisions, chose which path within the path to take, and stepped forward, one step after another, trusting that I would find my way.

This summer, I resigned from a job, a job I loved, working with people I loved. It was just time for me to take my next step. Did I have intention? Yes… I had goals and a vision. Did I know where my next step would land? No… as always, each step is uncertain. But, I resigned anyway, and stepped forward, trusting that I would find my way.

I find it remarkable sometimes that when you have clear intention, when you take definite steps forward, trusting yourself and your intuition, new paths become visible… What it looks like at the summit, what you experience when you reach your “goal” is never clear until you get there. What is clear is that I just need to take the next step… and the next step becomes clear… one step after another.

Is it our tendency to want to know what it looks like at the top, to be assured of things being a certain way at the end of our path? Yes… it is our tendency, isn’t it? But, I believe, that with practice, we can focus on each step, trust in ourselves as we take the next step, and with clear intention and awareness, we will find our way… to the “summit.” This way requires a balance between holding on to what is comfortable, safe and familiar, and letting go and being open to the discovery of a new path. Each step becomes an adventure, an adventure guided with a manageable level of risk, an adventure guided by who you are and who you want to be with your next step, and the decisions you make.

Sometimes, it is hard for us to let go of previous steps. Sometimes, we still live in the moments of previous steps… the steps that led us to here, where we are now. Should we even try to let go? I think letting go is possible and desirable. But, we will continue to remember our previous steps, yes? The trick is finding a way to appreciate all of our previous steps, good and bad, realizing that we are where we are now because of those steps and outside influences, and we have the opportunity to decide with that awareness, what steps to take next. For me, this is where having an attitude of gratitude for all that has come before me, each previous step, each deviation, each changed path, makes it easier for me to take the next step with clarity. Learn from previous steps… and adapt as I take my next step.

It’s not about taking the right step and avoiding wrong steps, it’s about taking steps, walking your walk, with understanding and awareness of the present step, with clear intention and faith in future steps, and with gratitude and appreciation for all previous steps or experiences in your life.

In my opinion, if we can each take our own individual steps in this manner, supporting those around us as they take theirs and receiving support from those who offer to help us in ours, our journeys will be in a place of goodness and take us to a place that we desire to be, a place that we see in our mind’s eye as we step forward, one step at a time.

For me, this summer’s step was huge… and I’m still taking a bunch of mini-steps, some positive, some painful. Today, however, I was reminded that I need to keep stepping forward with my eyes toward the summit. The view from the top will be worth the climb. And the next summit will be clearer!

Thanks to Stratton Mountain for supporting me on the steps I am taking in my life today… and will be taking tomorrow.